My Melbourne trip (sensory overload)

Yesterday I caught a train into Melbourne.  It was a necessary trip as I had been asked to testify at the Supreme Court of Victoria.  Personal experience has taught me that driving in this city is stressful as you are constantly on the look out for angry agressive drivers, infamous hook turns at intersections, one way streets, driving on tramways, trying to work out where you are and finally finding a car park in this metropolitan jungle.  Not to mention the ridiculous prices you have to pay for parking.  $4.00 an hour...I dont think so!

So the logical choice was train, with an expected travel time of one hour I left with plenty of time to spare and it was a good thing too.  The train was delayed due to a break down on the line.  As time ticked over my anxiety began to grow, this was not going according to plan.  With great effort I talked myself into a state of calmness and waited while more people scrambled on board.  Two sat opposite me, a man and woman both wearing strong perfume/cologne that did not mix well together.  My hypersensitive sense of smell kicked in and I tried not to gag lest I seem rude.

Before the train pulled out of the station another woman sat next to me, she pulled out her e-book reader and was promptly absorbed in her own world.  Her hand bag slipped down and fell on my arm.  I have learnt over the years a level of control when such things happen and although in my mind I could see myself pushing her away so she wasn't touching me I took yet another series of deep breaths and pushed myself into the side of the carriage pressing my head against the window.  The cool glass was soothing and helped distract me.

As the train finally began to move an announcemet came over the P.A system 'good morning everyone we are sorry for the delay.  The powers that be have decided that this train will no longer be express but will now be stopping at all stations on the way to Flinders.'  I did some quick thinking and began to panic.  The Australian tennis Grand Slam was on this week making the city a very busy place and the train that was supposed to run before us did not pick up any passengers which meant that they would all board this one.  Things were about to get very crowded and very noisy.

I was right, with each stop more and more people got on but no one disembarked; they were all heading for the city.  My train soon looked more like a cattle car as people forced themselves on until it was utterly impossible for anyone else to squeeze in.  I kept my forehead pressed against the window trying to ignore people talking loudly on their phones, breathing, grunting, crying children, the ear peircing screech of the the trains brakes.  Phone buttons clicking, the constant hum of the engine, boom signals clanging, horns tooting, people scratching  their skin...so much noise!

After another diversion and almost two hours stuck in a box I finally made my destination.  Well, actually I got off a station early because I couldn't handle it any more and the crowds had thinned out enough for me to exit without touching anyone.  I was looking forward to a change of scene and as I made my way out of Spencer St Station into our grand city I was greeted with more sounds.  

For me, my hearing is exceptionally good.  This could be an advantage except my brain does not filter out noise and focus on only the important sounds like a neurotypicals does.  I literally hear everything at once.  Living in the outer suburbs has proven challenging due to the constant noise but Melbourne made my home town seem like a secluded park or desert island in comparison.

For those of you not familiar with this condition let me tell you what I heard in the first twenty seconds after stepping onto the street, every sound coming at me once.  People coughing, the smell of cigarette smoke as well as the smell of an out of control fire burning several kilometers away.  Footsteps on the pavement, people not lifting their feet but shuffling them across the concrete, keys rattling, people talking to each other, the distinctive beeping of the walk/dont walk lights at intersections, car engines, beeping, police sirens, phones ringing, message tones beeping, doors opening, birds chirping, the wind blowing the leaves, push bike chains rubbing against their gears, pants rubbing together, registers opening and closing, people arguing, buskers playing....I could go on but you get the point.

I had hoped to take the time to have a quick look at the city, to experience it as much as possible but instead, I made my way straight to the supreme court and took shelter in its quiet, sombre halls.

The journey home was much the same but a little less crowded as the tennis was still in full swing and when I finally got home I threw myself down on the couch and wanted to cry.  The court case had been a disaster, I had known exactly what I wanted to say but as the day wore on and I waited outside the courtroom doors to be called to testify the noises of the city coupled with the electrical buz from the fuse box that only I seemed to notice threw me into sensory overload.  As I sat in front of the judge and tried to answer the questions all I wanted to do was run away...I was answering them wrong, I knew it but my mind did not want to work.  It had shut down.

Now back in the safety of my home (I was going to write solitude but with three kids thats impossible) I can clearly see that what I experienced was a sensory overload.  I've had two days to recover and am now feeling almost normal.  Would I do it again? Yes.  The reason why is because I do not want to be limited by my autism, I want to explore the world, expand my mind, but next time I will be better prepared.  I will remember to bring my sunglasses so the lights dont hurt my eyes, and my custom earplugs that drown out unnecessary noise but still keep voices and important sounds crisp and clear.  I will wear a long top so that when people touch me I wont panic and I will remember this experience so that next time, I have a better idea of what I am walking into.